Forgiveness

Everyone has heard about the tragic events of last week at a school in Connecticut. In the wake of those events, many pastors I know re-wrote their sermons to address the issue.

I did not. It’s not that I did not think I should. It’s just that I had no idea what I could say that would be useful. It was a terrible thing, of course, but everybody knows that. We should pray for the families of the victims, and we have and will continue to do so, but everybody knows that, too.

As for why these things happen, well, they happen because God has given us free will and allows us to make choices. That includes bad choices, even terrible choices. Those choices, obviously, have consequences, sometimes tragic ones. We’ve talked about that before, though, and I really can’t think of anything of significance I can add to what I’ve said about it before.

At our Wednesday Bible studies in Gettysburg, though, we hit on the topic of forgiveness, and that’s the aspect of this I’d like to talk about. Can we reach a point where we can forgive the shooter in Connecticut for what he did?

Think about what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is different from understanding. Forgiveness is different from making excuses or trying to absolve him of responsibility. Forgiveness means to give up all claims against someone for what they did. It means to no longer feel resentment toward someone for their actions.

We know that Jesus told us to love even our enemies. We know that Jesus told us that, if we want God to forgive our sins, we need to forgive those who sin against us. Jesus lived that, too. He even forgave those who crucified him. The thing is, though, that we may agree with this and believe it, but how do we actually do it?

I know that I cannot even begin to feel what those who lost loved ones in this shooting must feel. I know it has to feel terrible, but there’s no way I can even imagine what they must be going through. I don’t know that anyone can, unless you’ve actually been through something similar yourself.

I suspect, though, that pretty much everyone reading this has had a time in their life when they were hurt badly by someone. Maybe it’s happened to you several times. Think about those times. Have you reached a point where you can forgive the people who hurt you? Or do you still feel resentment toward them? Do you still wish you could somehow get back at them for what they’ve done to you, or are you able to give up those feelings?

It’s not easy. As I’ve said before, we cannot just make ourselves stop feeling the things we feel. We can just suppress our feelings or wish them away. After all, we may have every right to feel the things we feel. The families of the victims in Connecticut certainly have every right to feel resentment toward the shooter. They cannot just pretend that they don’t, nor should anyone expect them to do so.

Some of you may be thinking, "But the shooter’s dead. What good does would it do to forgive him now anyway?" The thing about forgiveness, though, is that it’s not something we do to help someone else. It may have that effect, but that’s not the primary purpose of it. Jesus did not say to offer forgiveness for the effect it will have on others. Jesus said to offer forgiveness for what it will do for us, ourselves. We are not supposed to forgive others because it will change their behavior, or even because it will make them feel better. We are supposed to forgive because that’s the only way we can move past the hurts we’ve been given. We are supposed to forgive because we will be better, happier people if we do.

It’s not easy. In fact, it can be one of the hardest things we ever do. The deeper the hurt, the harder it is. It takes time. It takes prayer. It takes talking to people. Sometimes it takes lots of time, and lots of prayer, and lots of talking to people.

And sometimes, we may never get there. I don’t know whether the people who lost loved ones in this shooting will ever be able to do it. I hope they can, but I don’t know. I don’t know if I could. I certainly don’t blame them if they can’t.

And I don’t think God will blame them, either. After all, God knows more about us that we do, because God created us. God knows how we feel. God understands it. God does not expect us to be perfect, because God knows that’s not possible for us. God just asks us to have faith and do the best we can.

To do our best, though, we have to keep trying. So, if you have an unresolved issue in your past, or if you have an issue in your life right now, for which you have been unable to grant forgiveness, keep working on it. Spend some time with God. Find someone to talk to about it. Then, maybe we’ll be able to reach that point at which we can forgive. It won’t be easy, but we’ll be better, happier people if we do.