Finding a Way to Forgive

The message given at the Sunday night service in the Gettysburg United Methodist church.  The Bible verses used are Matthew 18:21-35.

            A lot of us have said the Lord’s Prayer so many times that we sometimes say it without really thinking about it.  I have to admit that I’m guilty of that sometimes.  And, to be honest, it happens the most when I pray it during a church service.  Not always, but sometimes.  I start thinking about what comes next in the service, what’s the next thing I have to say, what’s the next thing I have to do, and all the time I’m thinking that the words just kind of come out automatically, without my really thinking about them.  Maybe you’ve had that happen to you, too.

            But it’s too bad, because the words of the Lord’s Prayer are important.  And they’re not always easy for us to follow.  That’s especially true of the sentence we’re going to talk about tonight.  “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

            Let’s get one thing out of the way early.  Some church traditions, as we do, say “trespasses”.  Others say “debts”.  Others says “sins”.  It really does not matter.  United Methodists say “trespasses” because trespasses is an old English word, used in the King James Bible, and United Methodism started in England.  But I think we all know that when we pray the Lord’s Prayer we’re not asking God to forgive us for going on someone’s property without permission.  It’s not that kind of trespasses.  And I also think we know we’re not asking God to forgive us for owing money.  It’s not that kind of debts.  We’re asking God to forgive our sins.

            But asking God to forgive our sins is the easy part of this sentence.  That’s not to say it’s always easy.  Sometimes we don’t really feel like talking to God about our sins.  Sometimes we don’t even feel like admitting them even to ourselves.  Sometimes we want to pretend that our sins are not really sins, that we really did not do anything wrong.  Sometimes we’ll go to great lengths to justify our actions, or our inactions, and try to convince ourselves that everything we do or don’t do is okay.  And believe me, I’m as guilty of that as anyone.

            But even so, we know we’re sinners.  No matter how much we may try to push that thought away, we still know.  And we know we need to go to God and ask for forgiveness.  It’s not always easy to do, but we know we need to do it, and I think most of us probably do it.

            But there’s that second part of the sentence.  This is the part we tend to gloss over.  This is the part we tend to hurry right on past.  We ask God to forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us.

            That’s the tricky bit.  That’s the part we don’t like to have to deal with very much.  It’s one thing to ask God to forgive us.  It’s another thing entirely for us to forgive other people.

            But the thing is, the way Jesus puts it, the one is dependent on the other.  The extent to which we are forgiven depends on the extent to which we forgive.  Tonight we read Matthew’s setting of the Lord’s Prayer.  As you heard, right after teaching the disciples the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus emphasizes this point about forgiveness.  He says, “For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive you.”

            That’s the point of what we read from Matthew 18 today, too.  Jesus tells the story of a servant who owed his master a bunch of money and was forgiven for it.  That same servant then went out, found someone who owed him a piddly amount and refused to forgive.  When the master found out about it, he revoked the forgiveness he had given the servant.  Jesus said that’s how it’s going to work for us, too.  He said if we don’t forgive others, we are not going to be forgiven.

            But then, Jesus said one more thing.  He said that the forgiveness you and I give someone must come “from your heart”.  In other words, it’s not enough for us to just say we forgive someone.  We need to feel it.  Our forgiveness needs to be completely and totally heart-felt if it’s going to count.

            And that’s really hard.  Because sometimes we’re not ready to forgive someone.  And sometimes we just plain don’t feel like it.  We feel like someone does not deserve our forgiveness.  We feel like they have not asked for forgiveness and probably could not care less whether we forgive them or not.  And sometimes, what someone did to us really hurt.  It was more than just the ordinary mistake or doing something wrong, it was a betrayal.  And when we feel someone has betrayed us, when we put our trust in someone and they let us down and hurt us, it’s really hard for us to forgive them.

            But here’s the thing.  Jesus knows how hard this is.  Jesus knows that because he did it himself.  Think about what happened to Jesus.  He was criticized and made fun of.  He was talked about behind his back.  He was lied about.  He was arrested on trumped up charges, charges that had no basis in reality.  And he was sentenced to death, even though Roman law did not allow him to be put to death for what he was charged with.

            And all the while, the common people, people like you and me, were cheering all of this.  When Pilate brought Jesus out before the crowd, and gave the people the chance to ask for Jesus’ release, they refused.  Not only did they refuse to ask for Jesus to be released, they demanded that Jesus be killed.  Those shouts of “Crucify!  Crucify!” would still have been ringing in Jesus’ ears when he was taken to the cross.

Can you imagine, if you were Jesus, what that would feel like?  To have all these people, these people you came to earth to save.  These people you literally love more than life itself.  These people who just a few days ago had been cheering you on as you rode into Jerusalem on a donkey.  Now, even though you’ve done nothing but love them and try to help them and try to save them, they’re demanding your death.  Can you imagine what that would be like?  Can  you imagine how Jesus must have felt?

 We say that Jesus was both fully human and fully divine.  Because he was fully human, it seems like there must have been a part of Jesus that wanted to strike back at these people somehow.  He must’ve been tempted to bring down lightning bolts from heaven on them.  At the least, he must’ve wanted to tell them off, tell them what hypocrites they were.

So, if you’re struggling with forgiving someone, whether it’s for something that happened recently or something that happened a long time ago, know that Jesus understands what you’re going through.  Jesus knows what it’s like.  Jesus knows it’s hard.  Jesus has been there.

            But Jesus found a way to forgive them.  And that’s what we need to do, too.  No matter how hard it is to forgive, no matter how much we may not even want to forgive, we still need to try to find a way to do it.  The extent to which we are forgiven depends on the extent to which we’re willing to forgive.  That’s the rule.

            But as I was thinking about this, I remembered something we’ve said in other contexts about God’s rules.  We’ve said that God does not give us rules so that God can send us to hell if we break them.  God gives us rules because God knows we’ll be happier, we’ll do better, we’ll live better lives, if we just do things the way God tells us to.  And that includes forgiveness.  Jesus did not tell us this so that God would have an excuse to send us to hell if we don’t forgive people.  Jesus told us this because God knows that you and I need to offer people forgiveness.

            Sometimes in life, people do really hurt us.  And when they do, it is really hard to forgive.  And as I said, Jesus understands that.  But when we don’t forgive, we never get past the hurt.  The hurt stays in our hearts.  We re-live it, over and over again.  That hurt takes away our happiness.  It takes away our joy in living.  It takes away from our self-confidence.  That hurt even gets in the way of our ability to serve God.  The only way we can ever get rid of that hurt, the only way we can ever truly heal, is to find a way to forgive.

            It’s not easy.  I don’t have a magic formula to tell you how to do it.  I do think it involves prayer.  I think it involves asking God to help us be able to forgive.  I think it involves asking God to help us let go of the past and move forward in our lives.

            Again, that’s not a magic formula.  It’s not like saying one quick prayer is going to enable us to forgive.  It takes time.  It takes effort.  But I do believe that if we keep trying, and keep praying, eventually God will answer our prayer and will help us forgive.

            So the next time you say the Lord’s Prayer, think about those words.  “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  Take a moment and ask God to help you forgive anyone you need to forgive, whether you want to or not.  When we pray this way, God will answer our prayer and get rid of our hurt.