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Friday, June 28, 2013

Beyond the Comfort Zone

If you like country music, you've probably heard the song by Brad Paisley, “Southern Comfort Zone.”  In it, he talks about the first time he left his home in the South and visited other parts of the country and the world.  He talks about being surprised to learn that not everyone drives a truck or watches NASCAR.  Not everybody goes to church or drinks sweet tea or does a lot of other things that he assumed everybody did because, after all, everybody he'd grown up with and lived around did those things.

It's a trap we all fall into.  It's a natural human tendency for us to want to be around people who are like us.  We want to be around people who are interested in the same things we're interested in.  We want to be around people who like the same things we like.  We want to be around people who live the same way we live.

That's not necessarily a bad thing.  Where it gets us into trouble, though, is when we start to assume that everybody should be like we are.  Where it gets us into trouble is when we start thinking that everybody should be interested in the things we're interested in, that everybody should like the same things we like, that everybody should live the way we live.

The reason that gets us into trouble is that if we think that way, then when we run into somebody who's interested in different things, who likes different things, who lives differently from the way we do, we automatically assume there's something wrong with them.  They must be strange.  They must be odd.  Our ways, after all, are the right ways.  Therefore, anyone who's different is doing it wrong.  They have to be weird at best, if not just plain bad.

When we say it like this, it becomes obvious that this is flawed thinking.  The fact that someone likes different things than we do or lives their life differently from the way we would does not make someone bad or even strange.  It just makes them different from us.  The problem is that we often make these assumptions unconsciously.  We don't realize we've done it, so we don't see the flaw in our thinking.  Instead, we come up with reasons to justify our assumptions.

Now, I want to point out two things here.  One is that this is a trap I need to remind myself of, because I fall into it as easily as anyone.  In fact, that's part of why I'm writing about it:  to remind myself not to fall into this trap.  There are lots of interests that people have, and lots of ways people live their lives, that are just as valid as the interests I have and the way I live.  I need a reminder, just as much as anyone else does, that that's okay.

However, that leads me to the second thing, which is that I am not trying to say here that there are no moral absolutes.  There are.  There are things that are wrong at all times, and in all situations.  There are things that are wrong when I do them, and wrong when you do them, and wrong when anybody else does them.  I am not arguing for an “anything goes” philosophy here.

The thing is, though, that we need to be able to distinguish moral absolutes from personal preferences and choices.  And that's why we need to get out of our comfort zones.  That's why we need to make sure we spend some time having some meaningful interaction with people who are different from us.  We need to get to know people who look at life differently from the way we do.  And we need to treat them with respect.

We don't have to agree with them, but we do need to try to understand why they look at things the way they do.  Doing that will help us realize that other people's beliefs, opinions, attitudes and choices are not necessarily strange or wrong just because their different.  It'll help us distinguish between things that are right or wrong in all circumstances and things that are legitimate choices for people to make, even if we would not make them ourselves.

So let's try to get beyond our comfort zones.  Let's try to get to know some people who look at life differently from the way we do.  We'll understand them better, and they'll understand us better.  And we'll all benefit from that.

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